My daughter is 6 months now so I think its about time I share my postpartum journey with you (because we family at this point). Well if you don’t know she is my second baby and she comes 12 years after having my first (YES 12 YEARS). Just imagine, my body is 12 years older so this pregnancy put a hurting on my body. After gaining just 5 pounds through the whole pregnancy and 9 ½ hours of labor I gave birth to the most precious gift. This time around was so special to me because I was so young when I had my son; so me being older I cherished every moment of this pregnancy. Although this labor was far more draining and rough it was worth it; when she was born I was overwhelmed with emotions.
I’m not even going to lie to you, I expected this time around to be just like the first. After having my son I was literally up and on my feet. But this time it was much harder. My body ached so much, it doesn’t help that I am hard headed and I don’t know when to sit my ass down and just rest. I continued to push myself. I have a habit of putting so much pressure on myself and that did not change.
I made the goal of breastfeeding until she is 6 months but it was struggle at the beginning. It was painful then it was hard for me to produce enough milk. Due to it being so painful the only thing I could do was pump, I stuck to just pumping for a few weeks but when she was about a month old the pumping became too much. Since I wasn’t producing enough I began giving her formula to substitute. But that caused th nightly feedings to become just too much, I would wake up before she woke up so I could pump. That was just crazy because I was already not sleeping enough so that just made me crazy. I realized I had to figure out a routine that worked and stick to it.
I know there are so many new moms who struggle with all of this. I became an emotional ball. Me not being able to breastfeed my baby cause me to feel inadequate, I felt like a failure. Which made me cry. I began to feel so overwhelmed and started feeling that I may be dealing with postpartum depression. My body ached so bad (still does honestly). There would be days that I couldn’t get out of bed because my body ached so much. My hormones were all over the place, I wasn’t eating, I was breaking out horribly which made me feel ugly, and I was constantly worrying about her making sure she was okay.
This is what I had to do.
I made the decision to control my postpartum journey by taking a step back and just focus on myself and my children. Nothing else. I took a deep breath. Many of them. Whenever I felt myself getting overwhelmed I took a deep breath. I learned to take a break and allow my mother to take over. My son was beyond helpful with his new little sister. I started making sure I ate regularly (even when it felt more like a chore), drank more water, and rested more when she rested. Who cares if there was a pile of laundry that needed to be folded. My mom came over more and helped me around the house. Then breastfeeding was so much easier! I stopped pumping and only latched her on. No pain. It made the nightly feedings so much easier and our bond was everything to me.
I was able to stay home with her for 3 months; going back to work was tough. But my milk supply began to minimize. I held on as long as I could but we made it about 19 weeks and I completely stopped and you know what? It was okay, I didn’t stress it, I was proud that I made it that far.
Now at 6 month mark; it’s still a lot balancing 2 kids, working both on the clock at my 9-5, building my business, AND taking care of home. But I have more of a balance now and I know (sometime) when to JUST SIT MY ASS DOWN. I’m learning to just enjoy the moment. Who cares if there are baby toys, bottles, and burp cloths everywhere. I’ll get to it when I can (shrug). The post important thing to remember is to stay focused on my inner peace and my happiness. I do that by learning to slow it down a bit and enjoy my kids, enjoy my alone time with a cold glass of wine.
If you are having a hard time on your postpartum journey, remember to slow down and breathe girl. Everything will get done in due time, when you are damn ready to get it done. No judgement here. We are on the postpartum journey together. This is your reminder that you are a Queen.